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The NFL Owns Us

Sad 49ers Fan

by Cosimo

My fantasy team is 0-2, my 49ers lost the Super Bowl earlier this year, and now in the later half of 2020 have lost arguably 7 of our 10 best players.
Football sucks, I wish I had picked a different sport to get emotionally invested in like Motorcross or Calcio Storico. At least with those, you expect gruesome injuries and sometimes even watch solely to see someones arm or leg get mangled.
But instead football fans like myself decide to put the fate of our mental health and well-being in the hands of 53 other men that don’t know us. I’d like to take this moment to say sorry to everyone I yelled at this past week, it’s hard to get ‘hello’s’ out properly these days.
Even though the Niners got quadruple penetrated by injuries, there are other teams that took huge blows to the face as well. Sounds like my search history.
Christian McCaffrey, torn ACL.
Saquon Barkley, torn ACL.
Courtland Sutton, torn ACL.
Drew Lock, sprained AC joint.
Then of course the four Niners that went down with torn ACL’s, MCL and ankle sprains.
Fans of these guys and their respective teams acted as if their dog just died, twice. Grown ass men are shedding tears over some of these injuries, I even saw a 49ers fan cry in the mirror last Sunday.
So why do we do it?
Why do we lose sleep, hair, sad eat hot wings, and miss out on chances to talk to women because of a game?
Not even that, when things go right for us we still walk around pissed off. Take Boston for example — they are undeniably the best sports town since 2000, with 6 Super Bowls, 4 World Series titles, a Stanley Cup and a Larry O’Brian trophy this century already.
Yet they still commit the most hate crimes in America and can’t just be happy even though they get blessed by the ‘Sports Gods’ with consistent W’s. In 2016 Boston had the highest rate of hate crimes in America and saw an increase the following year in 2017. Meanwhile in 2016 the Patriots won the Super Bowl and in 2018 won another after a tremendous 2017 regular season.
Could you imagine how much worse Boston folk would be to each other if their teams were garbage? Anyways that’s just a side note, just like to point out how shitty Patriots fans are whenever I can. Also they idolize a man who kisses his kid on the mouth. Weird.
Now back to hating our lives and stomping around pissed off or skipping around joyfully depending on how Sunday went.
Our emotions are relative to how our football team is performing and further get impacted when our favourite players are hurt, but why? I care more about Nick Bosa’s knee right now than the rising COVID-19 cases that are killing people in my city.
You know why? Because Nick Bosa sacking opposing quarterbacks on Sundays brings a smile to my face and a tingle in my vas deferens, that’s why. Maybe if normal everyday people did the same for my smile and vas deferens I’d care about them getting coronavirus.
I think football just hits different and there’s no explanation to that. It’s like love in a way. We can’t explain why we keep getting involved in relationships with women (or men) even though it’s inevitable that we’re going to be disappointed in the end. Even relationships that make it to the promise land and result in marriage end 50% of the time.
Marriage is life’s Super Bowl. You wait so long to get to a milestone that has a 50/50 chance of working out, if not it’s an experience that’ll creep into your dreams for the rest of your days.
Bottom line if you’re reading this and you’re not a football fan, good, keep it that way. But if you’ve made it this far in the blog chances are you love football more than your right hand, and to you I say this;
We’re in this toxic relationship with the NFL and there is no leaving, we will always keep coming back. Our obsession with wanting to see our favourite team win a ring is similar to Sméagol’s love for that precious gold band.
The NFL has us right where they want us, they hold the power of our happiness — one ring to rule them all.
Written by:
Jacob Racco
Instagram: @jacobracco


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