They’re calling it the best weekend of football in playoff history. ‘They’ being everyone who experienced that truly cinematic four game stretch the NFL put together over the past couple days. How can ‘they’ call it that? Well just in case you don’t follow a single sports account on Twitter, there were back to back to back to back walk-off victories on the last play of the game, truly an emotional experience for all.
HAVE WE EVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS?! 🤯— ESPN (@espn) January 24, 2022
All four games were decided on the FINAL play. pic.twitter.com/S4EvdTyIND
Congratulations to the Chiefs. Condolences to the Bills fans. Wow.— Bill Burr (@billburr) January 24, 2022
Me, tonight. pic.twitter.com/EPWGCymNEB— Skip Bayless (@RealSkipBayless) January 24, 2022
Greatest football game I’ve ever seen— kyle (@knicks_tape99) January 24, 2022
GAME OF THE YEAR— niles abston live in NYC (2/17-2/19) (@NILES100) January 24, 2022
Four walk-off victories is the most in a single postseason, let alone one weekend. Each game featured moments that were Paramount Plus (remember this for later) worthy storylines. With every single game eventually winding down to, and yes here it is… down to the wire.
I’m aware this is my first article since week one of the NFL season, I’ve been busy doing literally everything else for this company. Sorry, that’s a little much, but glad it's out there. Covering up my blog drought with calling out employees isn’t the reason I bring this up, but because in my first blog in months I went back to back with the ‘down to the wire’ title puns. Also, Juwan, where the hell is that Down to the Beat logo and John for fuck sakes email me that overdue Bell invoice. And Colman, you’re actually doing alright. Thanks for editing this, after 7 texts and 4 phone calls.
Just wanted to get that out the way. I can use the down to the wire pun all I want, I named the entire company after that saying, so yes I’m going to use my platform called down to the wire to talk about down to the wire shit, especially after the most down to the wire weekend in NFL history.
It did however all seem a little too down to the wire though, don’t you think? I’m not trying to be the douche that plays devil’s advocate, I’m obviously a big down to the wire guy and love me games that come down to the wire. But when something improbable happened at any point during any of the games this past weekend, something just as improbable happened next, it was all a little much.
We had the divisional round kick off with a 1-seed upset, followed by a blocked punt TD in the fourth quarter, a blown 27-3 lead and a 13 second comeback.
Wake up, smell the coffee, if you didn’t know already you do now. And if you still don’t know, what I’m getting at is the league is rigged. Yes, I know what you’re thinking: ”here we go, what’s a Jacob Racco article without him sliding in that the NFL is fixed.”
I’m kidding, no one says that. But I have said the NFL is fixed in prior articles, I think I even did a whole article about NFL conspiracies. But relax, in this blog I won’t be beating a dead fish or however that saying goes. Rather, I’m quite happy the NFL has scriptwriters because that was some quality entertainment.
Not even just this past weekend, but the last week of the season and entire post season thus far has been Emmy worthy television. Roger Goodell, I’ll find your email and send you this article so you can see that I’m not half bad at writing bullshit, so if you ever need scriptwriters I’m free on weekends.
But in all seriousness, here is how each game proved that America loves cheap barbaric dopamine and quality content that keeps us hooked till the very end, distracting us from the dying world. I’m kidding, everything is fine and we’re all gonna get through this together!
Bengals vs Titans
Honestly not much excitement in this game which is what you come to expect from an afternoon CBS broadcast without Nantz or Romo. You know the NFL isn’t using their best material when Ian Eagle and Charles Davis are on the call. But still, this slow burner came right down to the wire with everyone somehow being interested in the 4th quarter, ultimately ending with a game winning field goal.
Other than that, Bengals are my pick to rep the AFC in the Super Bowl; Joe Burrow is way too cool a dude to lose to Jackson Mahomes’ brother. Plus, forget Burrow for a second, when your rookie kicker is cold blooded enough to call game, your team is rolling.
In his postgame presser, Joe Burrow says that Evan McPherson said,"Looks like we're going to the AFC Championship," as he was warming up for the game-winning field goal.— SportsCenter (@SportsCenter) January 23, 2022
DIFFERENT 🥶 pic.twitter.com/K7jhnfSk4p
Niners vs Packers
Here’s where things start getting weird. If you didn’t know, I’m a Niners fan so excuse any bias in the next couple paragraphs. I knew this was gonna be a weird one when I invited a distant cousin of mine I’ve never met, who turns out to be a huge Packers fan, to watch the game with me at the studio. I vlogged the whole thing and when the video is out I’ll link it below. But long story short, he turned out to be a cool dude and is apparently a HUGE fan of our Down to the Wire pod, so he can hang.
Anyways back to football, no one cares about my family I didn’t even know existed like two minutes ago. When the Niners were 3-5, my philosophy was if we lose one more we bench Jimmy G and start developing Trey Lance so the year isn’t a total waste. Fast forward to Week 18 and the Niners are down 17 points in a ‘win and you’re in game’ against the Rams. The year started to look like a giant waste of time, then Jimmy G happened.
Jimmy pulled off one of the most iconic last minute comeback drives in 49ers history against the Rams to just get into the tournament and he hasn’t looked back. Since, he’s ripped off back to back road playoff games in two of the most iconic football towns, Dallas and Green Bay. For how handsome a guy he is, he’s won two playoff games in the ugliest ways possible, failing to throw over 200 yards in either game and racking up 0 total TD’s and 2 INT’s.
Now I don’t know how to word Jimmy’s performance properly, so I’m going to do it in a PFT Commenter style ‘How are YOU getting ready for NFL Sunday’ tweet.
How are YOU getting ready for NFL Sunday? I’m rewatching old WWII footage because a good Italian leader knows they need to rely on special team play when in foreign territory if they want a chance to come out on top.
Colman please fact check if that makes sense, what I’m trying to get at is just like the Italians relied on allies for WWII, the greatest Italian quarterback of all time also has to lean on his teammates if he wants a chance to win. And just like Italy in the war, it looks like regardless of the Niners season, Jimmy G will be switching sides next year.
Considering the Niners scored 6 points on offence, it’s fair to say every single point was crucial in this one. So I truly believe that that blocked field goal right before half is what saved them. However, I will say that was the football Gods coming in with the ultimate ‘ball don’t lie’ moment, because the play before Rodgers fumbled, but for some reason in a playoff game they decided to not review it. I know I’m making jokes about the NFL being rigged, but when things happen in your favour it’s the football Gods deciding games, not Goodell.
Last thing I’ll say about this game is the Niners have Rodgers’ number and we can’t lose to him in the postseason, it’s actually impossible. Plus when not one, but two major blocks on special teams go in your favour at Lambeau Field, you start to feel like it’s your year. I’m calling it before the blog is even over, Niners vs Bengals Super Bowl, rematch from the 80’s. Ending in the same result, a 49ers win.
Also side note; your welcome Raiders fans, we just ended Aaron’s Green Bay run, propelling you guys in the Devonte Adams sweepstakes.
BLOCKED PUNT FOR THE TIE! OMG 😱😱😱 pic.twitter.com/UNESxozDEk— Complex Sports (@ComplexSports) January 23, 2022
Rams vs Bucs
Remember a lot of words ago when I said something about Paramount Plus and said to “(remember this part for later).” Well, that’s because if this game doesn’t prove to you that NFL games are fixed then your just a fucking idiot. In that case send money to this PayPal account, all funds are going towards solving world hunger. And that’s the truth, since you believe anything you should do it or you’re a shit person.
Here’s what the scriptwriters came up with for this match up;
Let’s skip ahead to the part when the score is 27-3. This is when all the Brady 28-3 tweets start coming in and you can’t help but think what you were probably thinking in the New England vs Atlanta Super Bowl; There is no way Brady goes down like this.
Not necessarily because he’s the GOAT or whatever, but because NBC paid a lot of money for their playoff and Super Bowl broadcasting rights and in return are expecting quality television.
The Bucs get another field goal to make it 27-6, giving the Rams the ball with around three minutes left in the third quarter. This should be game, even if the Rams don’t score, odds are they run out the third quarter and some time in the fourth.
But, Cooper Kupp, who hasn’t fumbled the entire year, loses the ball on truly one of the weakest strip attempts I’ve ever seen. And here we go.
Bucs go down the short field and Playoff Lenny punches it in to make it 27-13. Rams then go three-and-out and right about now is when the 4 Los Angeles Rams fans start to shit their pants. Brady gets the ball back and gets strip-sacked by Von Miller deep in his territory, so that’s that. All L.A has to do is get a chip shot field goal to make it a three score game and put this officially out of reach.
The very next play, Matthew Stafford is in shotgun and the ball gets snapped without him looking and flies down the field 30 yards, where it’s recovered by the Bucs. Earlier, I mentioned how it’s a ‘ball don’t lie’ moment when things are going your way, but rigged when it’s not. I’m trying my hardest to give Tampa fans the benefit of the doubt here, but how can you justify being down 14 and Brady getting strip-sacked and call this a ‘ball don’t lie’ moment.
Brady can’t keep getting away with this. At this point in time it looked like the scriptwriters had written yet another miracle comeback for their poster child. But just like any good show on television, you can’t have just one plot twist.
Everyone and their mom thought Brady was gonna march down and score but, plot twist, they didn't. Rather, the Rams get the ball and have a chance to ice the game with a 47 yard field goal in perfect Florida conditions, but it falls… Short? Plot twist!
Maybe this is another miracle comeback for Terrific Tom? At this point, they could be just building it up to be even more remarkable than the last. Nope, nevermind they still don’t score off the missed field goal and punt it back to the Rams. Everyone calm down.
Just four minutes left, should be a wrap. Thanks for the excitement but it looks like– wait hold up. Rams follow that up with a quick three-and-out and why does this keep happening.
This time Brady and the Bucs do score and make the game 27-20. Fast forward a bit and the Rams have the ball with just over two minutes left and the Bucs have no timeouts. Just run the clock out right? You got Cam Akers back after a remarkable recovery from an achilles tear, this is perfect. On the other hand, you just got Cam Akers back from an achilles tear and I guess forgot how to hold a football because he fumbled it for a second time. But this time it felt a lot different.
Playoff Lenny punches in his second of the game on 4th down to tie it up at 27-27 with 43 seconds left. They did it again. Another Brady comeback story that “couldn’t have been written any better”. Except it could have.
With under a minute left Stafford refuses to let this game go to overtime because, well just ask Bills fans about overtime in the playoffs. In two throws Stafford and Kupp march down the field for an easy go ahead field goal attempt, and yes this is finally the end. Rams 30, Bucs 27.
Great writing here fellas, kept us all until the end. I appreciate not having Brady win this one, made it somewhat more believable, I guess.
Bills vs Chiefs
I don’t even know where the hell to start with this.
Pain. That’s where I’ll start. This is a painful one for obvious reasons, but also because I had the opportunity to cash out on my Bills moneyline bet not once but twice in the final minutes and didn’t because I wanted the extra $13 had they actually won. Only gamblers will understand that, but I hope you feel my pain.
Bills fans too, they’re probably in some pain considering Josh Allen played the game of a lifetime and his defence blew it for him with 13 seconds left in the game. Yes it was the best game ever, yes it was unbelievable seeing 25 points in the last two minutes, yes Patrick Mahomes is the Grim Reaper, yes playoff overtime rules suck, but to me there’s just one storyline.
That is that the Bills defence botched an all-time performance and opportunity for the Buffalo Bills to propel their legacy, beat the Chiefs in Arrowhead and play a, let’s face it, easy opponent for a conference title game in Buffalo.
But they couldn’t stop Mahomes with 13 seconds left. Nor could they hold them to a field goal attempt in overtime. I don’t want to hear anything about overtime rules, the only thing that matters is that the Bills couldn’t stop a team with only 13 seconds left on the clock.
Since people are talking about overtime rules though, I’ll chime in. I think we keep them as is except for when Josh Allen and Patrick Mahomes play each other. In this event, overtime is a throw-off between the two and whoever throws a ball farthest in three attempts wins the game. You can’t tell me that wouldn’t have made for a better ending.
I don’t know what would have happened if Josh Allen got the ball in overtime, but I do know that we are gonna have a Sunday Night game next season that's Bills vs Chiefs, where the Bills will once again win in the regular season, and then probably lose again in the playoffs.
It’s a bad weekend to be from the cold wastelands that are Green Bay and Buffalo, it seems like all those towns have going for them is football and even that isn’t going for them. Bad news for Buffalo, you just lost to KC in the playoffs in back to back years. Good News is that you have this clip of Stefon Diggs decking a fan that ran on the field that you can use as a meme in the future.
Bad News for the Packers, there is no good news and the Niners own you. Bad news for the Titans is that you lost, good news is no one cares really and most people forgot already. Bad news for the Bucs is Brady might retire, good news for everyone else is that Brady might retire.
Written by: Jacob Racco